The Anger of Innocence Lost
by sammygirl1963
Summary: Sequel to Anger's Outcome. John is captured by Azazel and tortured for mistreating his favorite of the psychic children. Hurt John/ Angsty Dean/Angsty Sam. Possible spoilers for Season Four Will give a warning .
1. Chapter 1

**The Anger of Innocence Lost**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything recognizable in this story. I am just playing with the Winchesters and will return them to Kripke's sandbox later.

**Author's Note: **A few readers such as **StarMage1 **mentioned they would have liked to see John pay for the way he treated Sammy in Anger's Outcome. This story is the result.

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John pulled his black two door 1986 GMC Sierra Grande pick up truck over in the brush just outside of the locked entrance to a long forgotten park in the North Cascade Mountains of Washington state. The gate was recently locked to keep out unwanted visitors after some people had been found mauled to death.. State officials didn't want to take any chances with thrill seekers getting lost within Beckman's Cave since the cave was the fifth longest cavern in the state of Washington. A few weeks ago, some hunters had stumbled upon the caves during a rain storm and had met up with a grisly scene when they found three mutilated bodies about a half mile away from the entrance. The bodies had been literally dismembered and the chests had been ripped open with the hearts missing. Fearing that a wild bear had caused the grisly deaths, state officials had locked the gates and posted no trespassing signs hoping to keep anymore deaths from occurring.

John however had other ideas about what caused the deaths, After extensive research, he was sure the deaths had been caused by an Aitu demon. The Aitu demons often took the form of an animal and were more cruel than most other demons. They thrived on making their killings as gruesome as possible. They found strength in the fear their victims emitted as they were dismembered limb by limb while still alive. John was bound and determined that this demon was going to meet its match in him.

As he climbed from his truck, John thought about calling Dean for help on the hunt but quickly decided against the idea. Things had grown a little tense between him and Dean over the year that Sam had been gone and Dean had started taking more hunts on his own. John couldn't believe how fast thins seemed to just slip apart without Sammy there to keep the family together. It was like an adhesive bond had broken when Sam departed and the family just seemed to drift apart. As he gathered his gear from the lockbox in the back of his truck, John wondered where his oldest child was currently at. He figured Dean and Caleb had most likely finished the job there were working on together and parted company by now.

John wondered if maybe he should call in help from another hunter, but there wasn't too many he could call now since he had alienated most of them at one time or another. Hell, even Bobby Singer had threatened to fill his ass with buckshot if he ever graced his doorstep again. No, he would have to handle this hunt alone whether he liked it or not.

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Dean pulled the Impala over just outside the gate of Stanford University. He knew from previous visits that Sammy would be between classes right now and studying in the park. He could always find him there laying under one of the trees so engrossed in his studying that he didn't notice the girls who strutted by him trying to capture his attention. It always amazed Dean to no ends that Sammy could be so focused on learning instead of having fun.

Dean stayed off of the usual path as he made his way to the park. He didn't want to chance having Sammy see him and know he was there. He had promised Sammy to let him try and make it on his own. He was keeping that promise, but it didn't hurt to check up on the kid when he didn't know about it right? As Dean neared the usual clearing where he would find Sammy, he was totally shocked by the sight that met his eyes. "Well I'll be damned" he said as he saw the pretty little blonde who was sitting on a blanket with his baby brother. "She is so out of your league " Dean whispered as a huge smile lit his face. Sammy did have some Winchester blood in him after all.

Dean felt like a peeping tom when he saw Sammy lean over and plant a deep kiss upon the beauty's lips. "Way to go kiddo" he cheered as he pumped his fist in victory. "You did learn something from your big brother after all." Dean stayed for about a little over an hour watching over them protectively until he saw Sammy and the girl stand up to leave. He followed them back to campus where they parted ways and went into separate classrooms. Knowing that his little brother was still safe, Dean walked back to the Impala and headed out.

As he drove down the road, Dean got a call from Pastor Jim telling him that rumor had it that John was taking on a dangerous hunt by himself in the Washington Mountains. Dean couldn't believe his dad refused to call in help. But then his dad hadn't been acting like himself lately. He was drinking more and he moved from hunt to hunt without a break since Sammy had walked out of their lives. He remembered his dad staying drunk for days after Sammy had left and wallowing in despair. He knew his dad was drowning in pain then, but he had been suffering too.

For the past few months, Dean had started taking on some hunts of his own as he and his dad seemed to be drifting apart. Dean recognized that there was a chasm growing between the two of them, but he didn't know how to stop it. He knew his family was irreparably broken and that the only thing that bound them together was now living a happy life in Palo Alto. Drawing himself out of his musings, Dean focused on driving towards Washington State and meeting up with his father.

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Sam breathed a sigh of relief as his last class of the day ended. He had felt a little tense today and couldn't figure out why. He spent the day as usual, going to classes and meeting up with Jess at the park. But something seemed off and he couldn't place what it was. He wondered if he was putting too much pressure on himself. He wanted to ask Jessica to move in with him, but he didn't know if he was ready for that kind of commitment yet. He knew he loved her, but would that love be enough to get them through the rough times. And what if Jess questioned him about his family. She was already wondering why they never seemed to come around, but he had explained it by saying they were workaholics.

As he walked towards his dorm room, he stopped by the cafeteria along the way. He was starting to get a headache and figured it was because he hadn't eaten all day. Dean would kill him if he knew he had skipped eating today, but he had honestly forgotten to eat with studying and all. He got a quick meal of chicken and rice with a side salad in a white Styrofoam container and then headed off to his room. He knew he would be alone tonight since his roommate Brian said he was going home for the weekend and Jess was doing the same. He sighed with regret knowing that _he_ no longer had a home to go home too. His dad had made that more than obvious on the day he left a little over a year ago.

Letting himself into the room, Sam turned on the television and sat at the table to eat. He flipped the channel until he found a horror movie. His thoughts drifted to Dean and the way they always made fun of the movies and how they always got things wrong when it came to supernatural beings. Feeling downhearted, he turned off the television and quickly finished his meal before taking a shower. He planned on going to bed early tonight.

Exiting the shower with a large white towel wrapped around his waist, Sam pulled on a pair of boxers and a tee shirt before popping a few Tylenols and climbing into bed. It wasn't long after his head hit the pillow that Sam drifted off into a restless sleep. He started to toss and turn as a nightmare overtook his unconsciousness.

In the dream, he stood outside a cave and watched as his father unpacked his gear from the back of his truck. His father looked worn down and his face had an almost haggard appearance to it. His mind flashed and then he was inside the cave watching as his father pulled his weapon from of the back of his pants. He shouted "Dad lookout" as a shadow approached his dad from behind. His father didn't hear his warning however and he was forcibly lifted from his feet and thrown against the cave wall just narrowly missing a stalactite that hung from the ceiling.

"Noooo" Sam shouted as he shot up in bed, gasping from the nightmare that had assaulted him. He physically shook from the terror of watching what his father had went through. He still loved the man even though he had kicked him out of the family. He was his dad after all. Sam massaged his temples as he tried to ease the pain throbbing in his head. Mercy, but he hated these tension headaches that left him hurting for hours.

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After stuffing the gear he would need in is backpack and putting the miner's helmet on his head, John climbed through the locked gate and set off on foot towards Beckman's Cave which was situated near the Canadian Border. He wasn't looking forward to searching the cave knowing how deep it went into the mountain. He didn't relish the idea of having to hike twenty five miles through rough terrain and narrow passages. It would be even more tricky since the cave had stalactites hanging from its ceiling. As he approached the roped off entrance, he could see the evidence of a few all terrain vehicles that had been brought in to remove the bodies that the hunters had found. Reaching up to his helmet, he turned on the small light that he would need to help guide him safely through the cave.

Taking a deep breath, John entered the cave and scanned the walls of the cave and the path ahead. He was looking for demonic signs that could have been carved into the walls. He knew if the Aitu demon resided in the cave, the hunters had been lucky to make it out with their lives. After walking a few hundred feet, he stumbled upon some loose stones and cursed as he nearly hit his knee on a sharp rock jutting out of the cave floor when he fell. That could have done some real damage. He regained his feet and started down the passage once again as the air around him grew suddenly cooler. "Son of a bitch" he stated as he pulled his gun from the back of his jeans and scanned around looking for the demon. He had just managed to turn around when he felt himself flung through the air narrowly missing a stalactite as he collided hard with the cave wall.

He fell to his knees as he tried to draw in a deep breath after having all of the oxygen forced from his lungs upon impact. He looked up in surprise to see the yellow eyed demon who had killed his wife standing smugly in front of him.

"Hello John, remember me?" Azazel asked as he used his powers to telekinetically force the hunter against the cave wall. 'You and I need to talk."

John sneered at the gloating demon as he said "I'm going to kill you, you son of a bitch for destroying my family."

Azazel just laughed and shook his finger. "Now, now John, we both know it was you who destroyed your family and now you're going to pay."

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**The Anger of Innocence Lost Ch. 2**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything recognizable in this story. I am just playing with the Winchesters and will return them to Kripke's sandbox later.

**Author's Note: **Mention of **Corporal Punishment **in this chapter.

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**Previously: **_John sneered at the gloating demon as he said "I'm going to kill you, you son of a bitch for destroying my family." Azazel just laughed and shook his finger. "Now, now John, we both know it was you who destroyed your family and now you're going to pay."_

"You're fcking crazy. How in the hell could I have destroyed my family. It was you who sent out lives spiraling into hell all those years ago" John argued with the demon.

"Yes, I did visit you that night and I'll admit to killing your wife when she got in the way. But it was YOU who decided to become a hunter. It was YOU who put your boys in harm's way continuously. It was YOU who turned into a bastard of a father who took his anger out on his youngest son and it is YOU who will pay the price. I'm sure you have figured things out haven't you John. You know the plans I have for Sammy and all of the other children like him."

"Yeah, I've known for a few weeks now" John admitted as he faced off with Azazel . "You want Sammy to fight in your damned demon army. Well let me tell you something, it ain't going to happen. Sammy will never fight beside the likes of you" he said as he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket but was unable to answer it.

"Oh but Sammy won't have anything to say about it" Azazel crowed as he smirked at John. "You've already pushed him away and now all I need to do is alienate Dean from him too and little Sammy will be mine for the taking. But until then, let's have a little fun shall we. Let's watch and see how it was you who destroyed your family."

Azazel placed two fingers to John's forehead and the hunter instantly slumped to the floor in an ungracious heap. John's eyelids began to flutter as he was transported back in time to when Sammy was thirteen and they had been forced to move again. Sammy had been working on his last nerve with all of his complaining and John finally snapped.

"_That's it" thought John as he pulled the car over to the side of the road._

"_I'm sick and tired of you acting like a baby every time we have to move Sammy. Get your ass out of the car now boy. I'm going to teach you a lesson about whining" John grated out as he pulled his belt through his pant loops. When Sammy didn't move quick enough, John pulled him out by his right arm and marched him to the back of the car. He promptly bent Sam over the trunk lid and used his belt to lay twenty five blistering swats across his son's denim clad behind. Sammy howled in pain during the beating and once it was over, he dropped to the road, his rubbery legs unable to support him._

"_You're such a whiny little bitch" John spat out at his youngest. "Why the hell did I have to get stuck with a brat like you? Get yourself in the damned car and I better not hear one frigging sound from you or you'll get it again."_

John groaned, sweat pouring down his face as he shook his head to clear it. "No that's not right, I would never beat Sammy with a belt like that. You're manipulating my memories" John whispered through clenched teeth. "I didn't abuse Sammy like that, I didn't."

"Who are you trying to convince John, me or yourself?" Azazel asked as he took in the shattered look on John's face. He didn't think it would take long to break the hunter and he would use him as a sign of what would happen to others if they dare mess with him.

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After leaving Palo Alto, Dean took Interstate 5 north towards Washington state. He planned to meet up with his father and provide whatever help he could for the latest hunt. Knowing that he needed to contact his dad to get the coordinates, he called his cell phone only to reach the voice mail. After waiting for the cue to leave a message he said "Dad, it's Dean. Give me a call or text me your coordinates so I can help out on the hunt." He hung up the phone hoping that his dad would get back to him. Pastor Jim only had a vague location of where the hunt was and the mountainess area he mentioned could cover over a hundred squares miles. Finding his dad with that much terrain to cover would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

After an hour with no return call, Dean knew what he had to do, though he hated the thought of it. He turned his car around and headed back towards Palo Alto. He was going to need Sammy's help with this one. The question was though, would Sammy be willing to help? He wouldn't blame Sammy if he turned him down after the way Sam and their dad parted company. He couldn't remember ever seeing Sam more hurt than the moment their dad basically kicked him out of the family. Shit, did he even have the right to ask Sammy for help, probably not, but then he didn't think he could do this hunt without him.

Dean arrived back at the campus just after two in the morning. He wondered if he should wait until morning to talk to Sammy, but then the trail to finding their dad was getting colder by the minute. He exited his car and started walking towards Sammy's dorm when he was saw a member of the security team. He quickly ducked into the shadow of a building not wanting to have to deal with them. He quickly made his way over to Sam's dorm and pulled out his lock pick set. He had the door opened within moments and quietly slipped inside.

He quickly made his was to the stairwell and climbed the stairs to the fourth floor. He started scanning the room numbers for 428. Looking around and seeing the floor empty, he pulled out his lock pick set once again and let himself into his brother's room. As soon as he closed the door and turned around, Dean saw the blur of a fist quickly approaching his face. He sidestepped the blow and threw out a leg sweeping his attacker to the floor and used his forearm to pin him there. "Easy Tiger" he said as he patted his little brother on the chest.

"Dean?" Sam said in disbelief. "What the hell are you doing breaking into my dorm room? Dude, you frigging scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry kiddo" Dean apologized as he reached out a hand to pull Sammy to his feet. "But I need your help."

"Why, what's going on?" Sam questioned as he flipped on the light and motioned for Dean to take a seat at the table. He then walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out two sodas.

"Dude, don't you have a beer or something?" Dean questioned looking at the soda with disdain.

"I'm still under-aged bro in case you forgot and I can't take the chance of getting caught with a fake ID. Now answer my question, what the hell is going on?"

Dean took a deep breath and slowly released it. "Dad went on a dangerous hunt by himself and I haven't been able to get a hold of him for a few hours now. Pastor Jim seemed really concerned about this one when he called me. I think something's wrong and I need your help to find him."

"Have you considered that maybe his phone doesn't have a decent signal? Besides, you know how dad is, leaving for days at a time and not bothering to call." Sam replied.

I hear ya Sammy, but my gut is telling me there's something wrong. I know things were bad between you and dad when you left, but…"

Sam scoffed at hearing those words. "Ya think? Dean, Dad kicked me out of the family, told me to never come back."

Dean rubbed his face in agitation with his right hand. "I know he did Sammy, but he said those words in heat of the moment He never meant them and regretted them the minute you walked out the door. You should have seen him man, he was despondent for days after you left. Sammy please, you gotta help me find him."

Sam hated the way that Dean was looking at him so forlornly. Knowing that he could never turn Dean down and remembering the nightmare that had plagued him earlier, Sam knew he would never forgive himself if he didn't help Dean and it turned out that their dad actually was in trouble. "Give me a few minutes to pack."

Dean waited for his brother to pack and then they left the door and headed out to the Impala. Sam slung his duffle in the trunk of the car and then climbed into the passenger seat. He couldn't believe how good it felt to ride shotgun again beside his brother. The first thing he thought was "It feels like I'm back home again."

Dean looked over at his brother as he drove down the road with a huge smile on his face thinking things were they way they were supposed to be. He was driving his baby wide open down the highway and his baby brother was riding shotgun beside him.

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Azazel grasped John by the neck squeezing just a little and pushed his head against the wall. "You didn't answer my question Johnny boy. I asked you who you were trying to convince with your pathetic words, me or yourself?"

John grimaced at the pain in his throat but he wasn't about to give the demon the satisfaction of hearing an answer. "Go to hell" he snarled out just before feeling the sharp sting of a hand striking his face. He could feel his bottom lip split and blood dribble down his chin.

"No thanks, I've already been there. Gets kind of hot ya know. Maybe I'll send you there sometimes. I have a lot of friends who would like to get their hands on you" Azazel gloated just before kneeing John in the ribs.

John gasped in pain as he felt a rib crack. "You fucking bastard" John groaned out through clenched teeth as he drew in shallow breaths trying to quench the pain in his ribs. "I'll make you pay for that."

"John, John, John, haven't you learned anything yet. Are you too damn stupid to understand who is in control here?" Azazel triumphantly stated before grasping John by the hair and forcefully bashing his head into the cave wall knocking the hunter unconscious.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**The Anger of Innocence Lost Ch. 3**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything recognizable in this story. I am just playing with the Winchesters and will return them to Kripke's sandbox later.

**Author's Note: **I took a little artistic license and made up a name for the Aitu demon.

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**Previously: **_"John, John, John, haven't you learned anything yet. Are you too damn stupid to understand who is in control here?" Azazel triumphantly stated before grasping John by the hair and forcefully bashing his head into the cave wall knocking the hunter unconscious._

Azazel sat back and watched the unconscious hunter at his feet as he waited for him to revive. He had so many sinister things in mind to torture him with. He couldn't wait to break the man who had hunted him for years. He would reduce John Winchester to a groveling, incoherent worthless human. When he was finished, no other hunter would dare take up the hunt for him again. He would have free reign to do as he pleased.

While staring at the useless human at his feet, Azazel thought of the perfect thing to bring the man to his knees, to have him begging for mercy, he would use the one person who would hurt the hunter to his very soul. Snapping his fingers and muttering a hellish chant, he called for the Aitu demon Yhandari to do his bidding.

Appearing in a purple veil of smoke, Yhandari questioned "Why do you call upon me at this time Azazel. I am not one of your lackeys to be at your beckon call."

"I am in need of a favor, one that I am know you will most definitely enjoy" Azazel explained with his usual cockiness to the shape shifting demon. "I am sure you have heard of the famed demon hunter John Winchester."

"Why do you mention such a vile name in my presence. You know he has taken out many of my kind" Yhandari spat out in contempt and obvious hate at the mere mention of the Winchester name.

"Yes, and that is why I have called upon you. I have captured the hunter and need your help in destroying him. I have the perfect plan to break his psyche and it requires your shape shifting abilities to do so." Azazel informed the cruel demon.

"Tell me more" the demon gleefully said as a hunger shown in his eyes to hurt and torture the one who exorcised and sent so many of his brethren back to hell.

After Azazel had laid out his plans, the Aitu demon put it's hands to John's head and concentrated. It's hands glowed a deep shade of lavender as it pulled the things it would need from John's memory. The hunter would never know what hit him.

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Pulling out his laptop as the sleek black muscle car roared down the highway, Sam looked over towards Dean and said "Tell me what you know about the hunt that dad went on."

"There's not much to tell Sammy. All Jim said was that had Dad went on a hunt in the North Cascade Mountains of Washington state. Apparently some hunters had found three mutilated bodies in a cave when the entered it to get out of a rain storm. From what Jim told me, the bodies had been torn limb from limb and their hearts were missing, literally torn out of their chests." Dean said filling Sam in on everything he knew about the hunt.

As Sam listened to his brother, he googled the information that Dean was giving him and found an article in one of the state's newspapers which gave them more information to go on. "Okay, it says here that the cave where the mutilated bodies were found isn't too far from the Canadian Border and that it is the fifth longest cave in Washington State. The authorities believe the deaths occurred because of an attack by a wild bear. Apparently the bodies had been there for a few weeks from the advanced state of decomposition, the bodies having been so bloated and mangled that they were almost unrecognizable as being human in origin."

Dean winced as Sammy went into vivid detail about the deaths. He hated the thought of his dad going into a hunt on his own where people had been so savagely killed. Wanting to get his mind focused on something else, Dean said "Okay, so if Dad was thinking the killings were supernatural in origin, we're looking at what, a shape shifter maybe?"

"Yeah, I think so" Sam replied. "So what kind of shape shifters do we know about?"

"Well there's the Yenaldooshi and Bearwallkers which can take on the form of large animals. There's also the Pucas and the Nahuales that Dad has written about a time or two in his journal. They prefer to take the form of a wolf but have been known to transform into other animals." Dean answered as tried to remember all of the shape shifters that his dad had written about. "And of course, lets not forget about your average everyday skin walker, of course they just usually take human form."

Sam listened to his brother while looking for more information on his computer at the same time, he felt like there was a missing piece and he was determined to find it. It only took him a few more minutes to find the information that he was looking for. Drawing in a deep breath and focusing his attention on his brother, he said "Damn, this isn't good. I think we've got a major problem here Dean"

"Why, what did you find?" Dean asked as he glanced at his baby brother quickly before returning his attention to the road.

"I typed in shape shifters just to see what would come up and it turns out there are shape shifting demons walking among us. According to this article, the most feared one is called an Aitu demon. According to mythology, this demon is the most cruel of them all and it thrives on killing humans. The demon is reputed to feed on the fear of a person as it slowly dismembers them while still alive" Sam replied in answer to his brother's question.

"Shit" yelled Dean as he hit the steering wheel in anger causing Sam to jump. "If Dad was hunting one of those things he could already be dead by now."

Seeing how upset his brother was, Sam tried to provide a little encouragement to his brother. "Don't think like that Dean, we'll get there in time. Besides, you know Dad, somehow he always seems to land on his feet. He's a Winchester you know."

"Yeah well I hope you're right. Does that thing give you an exact location of the cave were looking for?" Dean asked praying that they would be able to get to their dad soon. He could really be in deep shit right now.

"Give me a few minutes" Sam said as he googled the North Cascade Mountains. It only took him two minutes before he was able to give Dean the exact coordinates to the cave where they needed to be.

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John groaned as he started to become aware of his surroundings. His head hurt like a bitch and he could swear that somebody was playing the bongo drums inside of it as the pain seared through his head with each thumping beat of his heart. As his mind became even more lucent, he realized that he was now chained to a wall and that he had been stripped of his jacket and shirt. He could feel the shivers starting to overtake his body as his bare back lay against the frigid wall of the cave. _"At least the bastard didn't take my pants" _thought John thankful for the small modicum of decency that it afforded him.

Opening his eyes, John looked up to see not only Azazel, but another demon standing before him. He could tell by the evil smirk adorning the demon's face that he was in for a rough time. Sucking in a huge breath, John glared at the demon and said "What the hell do you want?"

"That's an easy question to answer, I want to hear you scream in pain" Yhandari informed him just before grabbing John's foot and giving it a vicious twist. He gloated with satisfaction as he heard the thundering shriek of pain that escaped John's lips along with the audible snap of bone.

John broke out in an instant sweat as he closed his eyes and used breathing techniques he had learned in the Marines to help control the pain. There was no doubt in his mind that his ankle was broken, he just hoped it wasn't too severe or he would end up with a limp for the rest of his life. But the pain of that didn't compare to the pain he suddenly felt as he opened his eyes to see the pure look of hatred on the face of the one person he thought he would never see again. "Mary" he gasped, his emotions torn between being happy to see her and devastated that she was angry with him.

"How John, how could you do it?" Mary asked her words full of anger.

"I d-don't under-understand what you're talking a-about" John stuttered out as his head bobbed up and down. Damn he was tired and having trouble concentrating which was most likely caused by the head trauma he had received earlier.

"Don't lie to me" the apparition of Mary screamed out in anger as she slapped John hard across the face. "How could you abuse my baby, blame him for things he had no control over? Sammy was just a baby when _**you**_ allowed me to die. I never got to watch him grow. Oh but I was there to see every time you laid a hand on him in anger you bastard."

"S'not real, can't be real, you're not Mary. Mary would never accuse me of abusing Sammy" John uttered in pain

"You're wrong John. I've watched the way you neglected my baby through the years and put the hunt before him. I've seen how you went chasing after a demon when Dean begged you to stay and help Sammy after he had been severely hurt. My baby could have died because of you" Mary accused as she once again slapped John angrily across the face, leaving an impressive hand print on John's right cheek. The Aitu demon was in it's glory after having drawn on the memories it siphoned from John while he was unconscious and using them against him.

John's mind was drawn back in time to the hunt that he and the boys had went on for an Abiku demon. Sammy had been injured severely by the demon and was bleeding badly, the pain unbearable. John remembered having been forced to pursue the demon and kill it before it had escaped which had Dean cursing him for not putting Sammy first. Dean had blamed him for the injuries and accused him of not caring by the time he had gotten back. He had tried to explain that the demon had to die so it couldn't kill anybody else but Dean wouldn't listen. He had almost lost his sons then when Dean had taken Sammy out of the hospital and went on the run with him.

"Oh God, I never meant for Sammy to get hurt on that hunt. Please forgive me, it was a mistake, I should have put Sammy first" John admitted as he watched twinkling stars dancing in front of his vision. Between the soreness in his ribs and the overwhelming pain radiating up his leg, John soon passed out, the guilt consuming him as he allowed the darkness to overtake him once again. At least while unconscious, he was given a brief respite from the pain anguish torturing his soul right now.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**The Anger of Innocence Lost Ch. 4**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything recognizable in this story. I am just playing with the Winchesters and will return them to Kripke's sandbox later.

**Author's Note: **I took a little artistic license and made up a name for the Aitu demon.

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**Previously: **_"Oh God, I never meant for Sammy to get hurt on that hunt. Please forgive me, it was a mistake, I should have put Sammy first…" _

As John neared consciousness once again, his mind began to assault him with memories of the many times he had hurt Sammy, not physically but mentally and wasn't that just so much worse. He couldn't begin to imagine how much his verbal abuse had affected his baby boy's psyche. No wonder Sammy finally snapped and took off for Stanford after years of hearing how worthless he was. John was tormented as the scene's played over and over in his head:

_"Sam go check the arsenal in the trunk and see how many flare cartridges we have left. You can at least do that much without messing up can't you?"_

_"Suck it up son, it's just a stomach ache, quit acting like a damn baby and get your ass in gear." _

_"I don't care if you're not hungry kiddo. I said you need to eat more and you will or I'll force it down your damn throat myself. Do you hear me?"_

_"This is all your fault dad. If you had been more of a father and less of an ass, then Sammy wouldn't have felt the need to hide his sickness from you."_

"Stop, just please stop" John groaned out as he clasped his hands to his head. He couldn't stand watching the memories play through his mind like a movie reel showing him just how bad of a father had been to his youngest. He opened his eyes to find himself alone in the cave and wondered where the demons had gone off to. "Well, at least I've got a few minutes reprieve from the pain"he thought but then wondered if that were a good thing since his memories were the thing assaulting him now.

He tried shifting to make himself comfortable but immediately regretted it when pain spiked through his leg and up his ankle. "Son of a bitch" he grumbled. "How in the hell will I get out of this mess when I can't even stand to put pressure on my foot?" John wondered for the first time if he had gotten himself in over his head. Jim was the only one who knew he was out on the hunt and even he didn't know John's exact location, only that it was in the North Cascade Mountains.

He knew the chances of Dean showing up weren't very well since the kid had taken to hunting by himself lately or helping Caleb when he needed it. If he could only get to the phone in his jeans then he could call his son, but his hands were shackled to the wall in a way that reaching the phone was impossible.

John hung his head as he thought about the very real possibility of being slowly tortured to death. Sammy would never know how much he now regretted the mental abuse that he had heaped on him. God forgive him, he was only trying to make the kid tougher since he wore his heart on his sleeve, but instead he had destroyed his youngest to such a point that Sammy had felt the need to leave the family. "Please, just give me one more chance with my youngest" he thought as he hung his head and prayed to whomever out there was listening. He had to let Sammy know how much he loved him and how wrong he was.

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As the sun peaked over the horizon, Dean glanced over to see Sammy sleeping with his head lying against the window. The window would lightly fog with each shallow puff of breath. He was happy to see the kid getting some rest knowing that he would need to be alert once they got the hunt started. He wasn't worried about himself, hell he had gotten used to losing a night's sleep here and there while driving through the night and enjoying the peace and serenity that it afforded him.

Deciding to use the time wisely, Dean picked up his cell phone and hit sped dial number three. He waited for five rings before hearing a familiar gruff sounding voice coming from the other end.

"This better be mighty damned important waking me up so frigging early in the morning"

"Hey Bobby, sorry to wake ya, but I need your help" Dean said as he kept his voice low so he wouldn't wake Sammy.

"What's wrong Dean?" Bobby asked as he immediately became alert upon hearing the fear in Dean's voice. Bobby knew it had to bad whatever the news was to have shaken Dean ip, the kid was tough as nails and never showed weakness.

"I think dad's been captured by a demon, I need to know everything you can tell me about the Aitu demon"

"There's not that much to tell you boy" Bobby replied as he ran his hands through his sleep mussed hair. "Let's see, they are known to be trouble makers who thrive on being cruel. They have been known to take the forms of plants, animals, and even humans when necessary. Mythology refers to them as calamity or sickness demons because once they entered a village, calamity ran rampant." Bobby hesitated and took a deep breath before telling Dean the next part. "Dean, if one of those things has captured your dad, he's going to be in a world of suffering. You're gonna need some help son. Please don't try to handle this one on your own."

"Don't worry, I've got it handled" Dean said hoping to ease Bobby's worries. "There's one more thing I need to know, how do I get rid of the damn thing?"

"The only known thing I've heard about that will keep the demon down long enough for you to exorcise it is to shoot it through the heart with consecrated iron bullets." Dean heard an uncomfortable silence coming from Bobby's end before he finally added "Be careful ya idjit. You're like the son I never had and I don't want to lose you boy."

"I will Bobby, and you uh, well you know" Dean replied trying to let the grizzled hunter know he loved him like family too.

"Yeah, I know. I'll see you soon okay Dean?"

"You bet" Dean answered before hanging up the phone and placing it back in his jacket pocket.

"So what did Bobby have to say?" Dean was surprised to hear Sam's voice suddenly ask him. He glanced over to see Sammy still with his eyes closed and his head propped against the window.

"Sorry kiddo, I didn't mean to wake you."

'S'okay, I was just resting my eyes anyway" Sam replied with his eyes still closed.

"Uh huh, and I believe you too" Dean stated before telling Sammy all the information that Bobby had relayed to him about the demon and how to keep it down long enough to exorcise it back to hell. After he finished his spiel, he said "Now go back to sleep, I'll wake you when we get there."

"Kay." Within minutes, Dean could hear the soft sounds of Sam's even breathing once more. He marveled at the way that Sammy could always fall asleep so easy in the car, he figured it was because the Impala was the only real home that Sammy had ever known.

Sammy had only been asleep about twenty minutes when Dean observed him becoming restless. He wondered if his baby brother still had those nightmares that seemed to plague him as a child. He thought about reaching over to wake him up, but knew how tired he was. He decided to give him a few more minutes to see if he would calm down on his own.

_Sam awoke and suddenly found himself no longer in the Impala. He glanced around and noticed that he was once again in the cave. "What the hell?" he thought wondering how he ended up there again when it seemed that he'd been in the Impala riding down the road with Dean only a few moments ago. He could hear the sounds of moaning coming from far off and followed the sound with trepidation. As he got closer, he could hear a woman's voice also. "Who the hell is that?" he questioned wondering what a woman would be doing in a cave, Whoever the hell she was, she sounded angry._

"_I ought to kill you, you fcking bastard" he heard the woman scream with rage. "Sammy was my last gift to you and you did nothing but break his heart. He was my light in life John and you snuffed the light right out of him with your anger. I hate you" Sam's eyes grew huge as he rounded the bend in the cave and saw what appeared to be his mother screaming in anger at his father. He was taken aback as he saw her raise a knife and sink it into his father's chest._

"Noooo" screamed Sam as he abruptly bolted upright in the car. He gasped in shaky breaths as he looked around with terrified eyes. He soon felt himself being pulled into a comforting embrace as he heard the words. "Shh, it's okay little brother, Shhh, I've got ya."

Dean had noticed that his little brother was becoming more agitated as his eyes started darting about in his sleep. He didn't like the mumblings that he heard coming from his brother's mouth. Deciding that he needed to wake Sammy up, he started to pull the car over to the side of the road. He had just put the gear into park when Sammy shot up in his seat screaming the word no. He quickly reached over and pulled the kid to his shoulder and rubbed his hand in circles on Sammy's back since it always calmed him when he was younger. "Shh, it's okay little brother, Shhh, I've got ya." he said as he felt the tremors shaking his brother's body.

"M'sorry" Sam said as he finally pulled himself together and sat up in his seat. He felt embarrassed for losing it like that in front of his brother after all this time. He didn't want Dean to think he was a big baby.

"No need to apologize kiddo" Dean responded as he cupped the nape of Sam's neck with his palm. "Damn it, I was hoping those nightmares had stopped haunting you since you went away to school. You wanna talk about it?"

"No, not really. It was jut a stupid nightmare anyway." Sam told his brother. He didn't want to have to tell Dean about his mind conjuring up something as horrible as their own mother torturing their father. Dean's memory of their mom was scared to him and he wasn't about to hurt Dean with what he had dreamed. "Let's just get to dad"

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**The Anger of Innocence Lost Ch. 5**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything recognizable in this story. I am just playing with the Winchesters and will return them to Kripke's sandbox later.

There is a **BOLD** warning below for a **SEASON FOUR SPOILER **in this chapter.

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As Dean drove past the sign welcoming them to the North Cascade Mountains of Washington State, he glanced over towards his baby brother and didn't like what he saw. Sam had been extremely quiet since having had the nightmare earlier and now Dean could see the tension building just by observing the look on his brother's face. Sam had a nervous twitch to his eyes and his cheeks were more pinkish in color alluding to the fact that his blood pressure was up. Most people wouldn't have noticed such small things, but Dean had basically raised Sam up from a baby and could read him like a book. Sammy never could hide anything from him because he was always so astutely aware pf his baby brother's physical appearance.

Knowing that he had to get Sam's mind focused elsewhere before he was hit with a tension headache, Dean decided it was time to start a little brotherly banter. To take his mind off of the hunt ahead. "So little brother, how's things been going at school? Have you noticed any hot coeds running around half naked that might be interested in having a little fun with your awesomely handsome big brother?" Dean inquired. "I hear those college girls know how to have fun"

"What the hell" asked Sam as he looked over at Dean with a bewildered expression on his face wondering how he could think about such a thing with their dad missing and possibly being tortured by an Aitu demon. "Dude, do you ever think with your upstairs brain?"

"Not unless I have too" replied Dean with a wink while patting his baby brother on the knee. He was instantly rewarded for the remark by hearing his baby brother laughing. He couldn't help but pat himself on the back for another mission accomplished in taking care of Sammy.

Sam couldn't help but laugh at hearing his brother's words. Even in tense situations, Dean always managed to make him feel better by finding something humorous to talk about. Dean had started doing it on the first hunt that Sammy was allowed to participate in to take his mind off of what was happening and he had been doing it ever since. Even after a year apart, Sam found out that some things never changed. The brothers continued their banter back and forth with each other laughing until they neared their final destination.

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As John prayed for one more chance with Sammy, he could hear the sound of approaching footsteps. "Here we go again" he thought as he tried to steel his emotions. He couldn't let the demons witness how badly their torture was affecting him or they would use even more memories against him and he just couldn't take much more of seeing the hurt in Sammy's eyes each time he was forced to watch what the demons made him view. He raised his head achingly and glanced up to see Azazel standing over him with a narcissistic smile upon his face. One day he would deflate the bastard's enormous ego and send him straight back to hell where he belonged. "What the hell are you looking at you egotistical bastard?" John asked clearly showing defiance towards his captor.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out" responded Azazel. "I thought you were supposed to be a fearsome hunter to all demons but all I see before me is an inadequate, hapless excuse for a man. You are nothing but a coward who abuses helpless children who cannot defend themselves. You'd actually beat the hell out of your sons with your fists than admit you shortcomings as a father/

"You're crazy" spat out John with defiance in his voice. "I have never once made a move on my boys when they were unable to defend themselves.

"Always so sure of yourself John, well let me show you just how wrong you are" Azazel said as he once again placed two fingers to John's skull and forced him to watch a scene play out in his head like watching a movie on a television screen.

_Okay kiddo, get yourself into defensive position" John said as he watched Sammy look at him as if trying to comprehend what he meant by that. Feeling frustrated with his youngest, John kicked Sammy's right foot into place since it was usually his lead foot. He then grabbed Sam's arms and put them into defensive position up in front of Sammy's face_. _As Sammy prepared to protect himself, John launched a turning back kick and was impressed when Sammy managed to side step it even though he stumbled a little, at least his youngest had learned to counter one of his kicking motions. John launched another sparring attack this time using his fists. He jabbed his right hand at Sam's ribs and was blocked as Sam countered the blow once again. John feigned an attack towards Sam's stomach and then launched an upwards blow that managed to hit Sam's right cheek just below the eye causing the kid to drop to the ground like a sack of potatoes unconscious._

John remembered the scene he had forced to watch. He had been pissed with Sammy about Dean getting hurt and decided that the kid needed to learn some responsibility through extra training. He hadn't know at the time that Sammy was on pain pills which would affect his movements and agility.

"That was an honest mistake. I didn't know Sammy was doped up at the time or I would never had made him spar with me" John said as he tried to defend himself from the harsh memory the demon had forced on him.

"The only reason you didn't know was because you refused to listen when your perfect little soldier tried to tell you. Why is that John, did you know back then about me and my plans for little Sammy? Did you knowingly hurt him because he is my best and my brightest?" Azazel taunted the injured hunter.

"Sammy isn't yours and he never will be" John argued as he tried to pull himself free from the chains. Sammy is mine damn it, he's my son and you just leave him the hell alone."

**WARNING: SEASON FOUR SPOILER IN THIS PARAGRAPH**

"You're wrong John, Sammy has been mine since before he was born. Mary gave him up before he was ever conceived so that you would live. Your precious wife made a deal with me and sealed it with a kiss" Azazel informed John with a gloating quality to his voice. He relished in the look that crossed John's face as he talked about his loving wife. He knew that John held her in such high esteem that she was placed high upon a pedestal in the hunter's eyes. How he loved being the one to knock the bitch off of it in the weary hunter's eyes.

**SPOLIER ALERT OVER**

John had been devastated to hear the demon's words but quickly hid his emotions behind a fake facade. "You're crazy if you think I am going to believe a word you say. Everybody knows that demons are nothing but fcking liars."

"Believe what you want Johnny boy, but mark my words, Sammy will be mine" Azazel stated before leaving John to his thoughts once again.

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"Take a right here" Sam told his brother as he looked at the map that would take them to the cave where they believed their father to be. He hated the slight tremor to his voice, but he couldn't help it. The closer they got to the caves, the more nervous he became. What if his dreams came true? Should he tell Dean about what he saw? He couldn't take the devastation that would be on Dean's face if he witnessed their mother killing their father. Maybe it would be best to prepare him.

"Dean, I uh…." Sam hesitated not knowing how to start the conversation.

"You what Sammy?"

"I think we, uh, never mind" Sam said as they finally approached the lock gates leading to the cave. He quickly climbed out of the car and scanned the surrounding area for any signs of danger and then walked back to the trunk and waited for Dean so they could collect their gear to get the hunt started as soon as possible.

Dean could have cursed when they arrived at the locked entrance to the cave, he was sure that Sammy was getting ready to tell him about his dreams and now the kid had just clammed up on him once again. Exiting the car, he sighed in frustration before placing himself in hunter/protective big brother mode. He realized that it had been well over a year since Sammy had been on a hunt and he wasn't sure how well prepared he would be for it. Sure, it was something they'd done all of their lives, but Sammy hadn't been involved in a hunt lately, nor had he been training to keep himself in top physical form.

Meeting Sam at the back of the car, he popped the trunk open and then pulled out a 45 pistol for himself and one for Sammy. He opened the ammunitions box and sorted through it looking for the consecrated iron rounds that Bobby said they would need to dispose of the Aitu demon.

"Here Sam, you're going to need these" Dean said as he handed over the bullets to fill the cartridge chamber in the gun. "When you shoot the demon, make sure you aim for the heart. Bobby said it's the only thing that will keep the demon down long enough to exorcize the damn thing."

Sam loaded up his weapon while Dean grabbed the rest of the gear they would need. Setting out on the hunt, he allowed Dean to take point just as he had always done in the past knowing that Dean wouldn't have it any other way. The brothers climbed over the fence and then made their way to the entrance of the cave with their guns held in ready position. Dean signaled for Sammy to stop while he took a quick glance inside the cave for any danger before moving on.

"Stay right behind me kiddo" Dean whispered as he entered the cave. It immediately gave him a feeling of being closed in since the walls seemed to surround him from all sides. He didn't like the idea of only being able to move forwards or backwards in case of an attack, but then again, the demons had the same disadvantage also. Dean strode forward, careful of the stalactites that hung from the ceiling of the cave, They damn sure didn't need an accidental concussion from running into one of the things accidentally. He felt a rush of adrenaline in knowing that they would soon find their dad.

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**The Anger of Innocence Lost Ch. 6**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything recognizable in this story. I am just playing with the Winchesters and will return them to Kripke's sandbox later.

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As Dean continued on further into the cave with Sam following close behind him, he tried to anticipate what could possibly lay ahead. He had no doubt that the Aitu demon knew that somebody was on the way to launch a rescue attempt since those damned demon's always seemed to know what was going on ahead of time. He kept a careful eye out for traps as the progressed further inside the cave. They couldn't afford to make a stupid mistake if they were going to save their dad's life. He could feel his adrenaline building as he sensed they were getting closer.

Sam was getting more antsy the further they got inside the cave. He knew Dean was more than ready for the fight ahead, but he couldn't help but think about what might happen if his nightmare came true. Seeing their mother could possibly throw Dean off his game giving the demon the chance it needed to succeed in possibly hurting his brother or worse. His mind raced as he tried to figure out what he should do. If he revealed his dreams, he worried that his brother would do something foolish and get his own self killed. Feeling like he was damned if he did and damned if he didn't, Sam took a deep breath and tried to shake the negative thoughts from his head. He really needed to keep his own mind on the game and watch Dean's back.

As Dean rounded a bend in the cave, he threw his hand up with a clenched fist to alert Sammy that he was stopping. He bent down to one knee, glanced back at Sam and put his index finger to his lips for the universal sign to be silent. He though he had heard a sound up ahead and he listened intently to try and gauge just how far away it was and what the voice was saying. He could hear the sounds of a few men talking and if he didn't know better, he could have sworn that one of them was Sammy's voice he was hearing, but that was impossible since his baby brother was right behind him. He tried to make out some of the words that were being said, but all he heard was muffled words that were unintelligible along with a few groans of pain. He turned to Sam and used hand signals once again to alert him that he had heard a least two possibly three voices up ahead and that they needed to be on guard even more now. He took point once again, stealthily placing his feet so as not to make any sounds by kicking up loose rocks. They needed the advantage of surprise on their side if they hoped to get their dad out of there alive.

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John struggled with his memories as his overwhelmed body succumbed to the need for rest. His mind assaulted him with pictures of all the times he had used angry words on his youngest, the last gift Mary had given him before she died. He knew his words had cut deep but used them anyway. He couldn't help but think that Mary was right to hate him for not being the father he should have been. He really did deserve the suffering he was going though now, after what he had put Sammy through.

As Yhandari returned for a little more fun, he glanced down at John to find the injured hunter fitfully resting with his weary head upon his chest thinking he had never seen anything more disgusting than the human before him. He hated everything the hunter represented. People like him had made Yhandari's life miserable as they hunted him and his kind through all eternity. He would have just liked to kill the degrading meat suit before him, but he found too much fun in torturing the man. It fed his need for dominance over mankind as well as his lust for pain induced terror. It had been fun using his beloved wife against him, but now he planned to up the stakes just a little bit more. Shifting into the newest form, he threw a bucket of water over the sleeping hunter to rouse him. He watched as the hunter shivered from the ice cold water and then raised his head to look at him. He knew the minute the degrading hunter recognized his newest form since his eyes took on a wide look of astonishment. Using a voice very familiar to the hunter, Yhandri asked "Dad are you okay?"

John gave off an involuntary body shiver as he felt himself inundated with ice cold water. He struggled to breathe through the water rolling down his face and onto his bare chest as he glanced up to see which demon was assaulting him this time. He was bowled over though to find out that it wasn't the demons. Sammy had somehow found him.

"Sammy?" John questioned as he struggled to see clearly through the fog that had enveloped his mind in sleep. "How did you find me son?" Without giving him a chance to answer the question, John went on to say "I need you to help me get these shackles off so we can get out of here."

"Why would I want to do that Dad, I mean after everything you put me through, do you really expect me to help you now?' Yhandari questioned using Sammy's voice.

"Wh-What-t-t?" John asked with a quizzical look on his face. Was he understanding Sammy correctly? Surely his mind was playing games on him. Sammy would never let him be purposefully hurt.

"I'm not here to help you Dad, I came to join in with the fun. You've made my life a living hell for so many years and now I plan to return the favor. You'll be begging for mercy by the time I'm finished with you"

"No, S'not right, you don't mean that" John said with a tremor in his voice. He hated how week his voice sounded, but blamed it in the cobwebs in his head that were keeping him from thinking straight.

"I've turned dark side _Daddy_, isn't that what you've always planned for me to do? I mean that's why you always treated me like a little bastard--because you knew I belonged to Azazel. Isn't that right Dad?"

"No, I never once thought…Sammy would know I'd never….you're not him, you're not Sammy" John stuttered trying to get his thoughts out coherently. The demons were just playing him again. Sammy would never accuse him of feeling that way even if they did fight all the time. He might not have said it much as the boys got older, but his boys knew he loved them and would protect them until death.

"Oh but it is me Dad" Yhandari Sam spat out as he delivered a swift kick to John's ribs. He was pleased when he heard the sound of bone cracking knowing the blow had been forceful enough to break a rib or two.

John groaned as he tried to fold in on himself to protect his rubs but was unable to do so because of the way he was shackled to the wall. He used the breathing techniques that he taught his boys to get through the pain of the newest injury inflicted upon his body. His forehead beaded in sweat and he felt it making its way down his face into his eyes. He squinted them shut to try and stop the burning pain that accompanied the sweat running into his eyes.

"Damn you Dad, look at me" Yhandari/Sam said in a thundering voice as he slapped John forcefully across the face hard enough to split the skin on his right cheek. He gloated as the hunter looked up at him with bloodshot eyes. He had no doubt the hunter would soon be broke and just the mere shell of a man.

"I'm going to kill you slowly for daring to use the images of my son and wife against me" John groaned out as he felt the blood running down his cheek.

"Don't call me your son you stupid bastard. I fcking hate you and want no part of you. Azazel is my family now and I'll do anything he asks of me" the demon screamed using Sammy's persona.

"Screw you" John ground out through clenched teeth. He had enough of this demon's shit and he was going to let him know so. "I'll never believe you're Sammy so you can go pleasure yourself somewhere where the sun don't shine."

A look of sheer hatred crossed the Aitu demon's face as focused his psychic energy around John's throat and began to squeeze. There was no way he was allowing a mere mortal to speak to him in such a demeaning way. He smiled as he watched the blotched look come upon the hunter's face as he struggled to pull in air, he had no doubt that man would be dead within minutes.

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As Dean and Sam made their way further inside the cave, Dean could hear the sounds of the voices growing louder. And this time there was no doubt who the voices belonged too. He heard his baby brother's voice screaming out that he hated their dad and that Azazel was his family now. He turned around to see a pure look of horror on Sammy's face realizing that the shape shifter was using him to hurt their dad. He gave Sam's shoulder a quick squeeze as he heard his dad scream out for the demon to go pleasure itself. _"Way to go Dad" _he thought to himself knowing that his dad was still fighting. Before long though, he heard the sounds of choking and knew that things had went bad quick. Without thinking about the consequences, he took off running the rest of the way and turned the corner just in time to see his dad's face turning a deep shade of red as he struggled to take in air.

"Let him go" Dean hollered out as he took aim and prepared to fire, but hesitated just a fraction of a second as the demon wearing Sammy's face turned around to look at him. He felt himself flying through the air, narrowly missing one of the stalactites hanging from the ceiling. His hesitation had allowed the demon to get the drop on him. He felt his breath leave his lungs with a whooshing sounds as his back hit the cave wall and he fell to the floor.

John watched in horror as his oldest child went sailing through the air. He held his breath as he saw him almost collide with a stalactite before falling to the cave floor. He knew the Dean had been stunned from the force of the landing as he watched his oldest trying to make it to his feet. His terror increased tenfold when he heard the demon's next words.

Yhandari/Sam smirked at the newest arrival and used his telekinetic powers to force Dean to slide up the cave wall. He would force John to watch as he eviscerated his oldest son while looking like his youngest. "Watch me Dad as I take care of your perfect soldier in honor of my real father" he gloated as his hands moved upwards.

Dean felt sheer terror as he felt himself slowly sliding up the cave wall. He tried to fight the hold the demon had on him to no avail. He looked over towards his father to see tears spilling down his face as his dad pleaded for his life.

"Please don't hurt him, I'm begging you, I'll do anything you want" John cried out in hopes of getting the demon to listen.

"Too late daddy dear, Say goodbye to Deanie." Yhandari/Sam said in a sing song voice.

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**The Anger of Innocence Lost Ch. 7**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything recognizable in this story. I am just playing with the Winchesters and will return them to Kripke's sandbox later.

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**Previously: **_Dean felt sheer terror as he felt himself slowly sliding up the cave wall. He tried to fight the hold the demon had on him to no avail. He looked over towards his father to see tears spilling down his face as his dad pleaded for his life._

Sam slowly inched his way around the bend of the cave praying that the demon was kept occupied by their dad long enough for him to get into position. He knew he would have only one chance at making his shot count. If he missed the heart with the consecrated iron round, then they would all be dead within a matter of moments. He tried to keep his attention aware from the obvious terror in Dean's eyes as he silently got into position. He heard his heartbreaking sound of his father's sobs as he begged for Dean's life and it nearly brought him to his knees. He was almost into position when he heard the words that let him know it was now or never to make his move._ "Too late daddy dear, say goodbye to Deanie" _

Sam rounded the corner with a confidence in his voice that he really didn't feel. "Hey bitch, that look is a Sam Winchester exclusive, and I've got dibs on it already" Sam said as he fired the gun with a steady hand. He could have sworn the bullet moved in slow motion like he saw in the old western movies as it left the gun barrel and hit the demon square in the chest. He once again held his breath waiting to see if the bullet had hit it's mark.

Yhandari had realized his mistake just a fraction of a second too late as he felt the bullet enter his heart. He had been so self assured and full of himself in tormenting the eldest Winchester with thoughts of his perfect soldier dying that he failed to keep a close enough eye on the youngest who had not yet been turned to their side. He screamed out in pain as steam rose from his chest and mouth from the consecrated iron round boiling his demonic blood. He gasped in shock as he fell to his knees panting with pain. "You'll pay for that young Winchester" Yhandari spat out as he reverted to his original demonic form.

John stared on in shock and then blinked his disbelieving eyes as he saw a second Sam make it's appearance. _"What the hell" _he thought as his muddled mind tried to process which Sam was which. He suddenly heard one of the Sam's say "Hey bitch, that look is a Sam Winchester exclusive, and I've got dibs on it already" He smirked at the thought that it sounded like that Sammy was channeling his inner Dean. He didn't have long to think about it though as he heard the sound of a gun being fired. His heart nearly shattered into a million tiny pieces as he saw Sammy drop to the floor. "Oh God, please don't let that be my baby" he sobbed as the blackness started encroaching on his vision once again. He retained consciousness just long enough to hear Sammy starting to recite the exorcism and thanked God that his baby boy was still alive.

Sam scoffed at the demon's words as he earnestly said "I left home so Dean wouldn't be hurt anymore and I sure as hell won't let him be hurt on my watch." He immediately started to recite the exorcism that he had learned by heart so many years ago. _"__Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica, in nomine et virtute Domini Nostri Jesu Christi, eradicare et effugare a Dei Ecclesia, ab animabus ad imaginem Dei conditis ac pretioso divini Agni sanguine redemptis" _

Dean fell to the floor of the cave in a rush as the demon lost it's hold on him once Sammy started the exorcism. He felt the wind knocked out of him when he hit the ground and was temporarily stunned. Once he had regained his wits about him, he glanced over to see Sammy in the middle of chanting the Latin exorcism. "Way to go little brother" he whispered not wanting to disturb Sammy's concentration knowing that it could prove deadly to all of them. Seeing that Sammy had things well in hand, he slowly made his way over to check on their dad.

AsSam recited the exorcism, he heard the demon spitting out how he would come back from hell and torture his family by skinning them alive and feed the pieces to the hell hounds as he forced Sam to watch, but Sam ignored the words as he continued the exorcism. _"Imperat tibi majestas Christi, æternum Dei Verbum, caro factum, qui pro salute generis nostri tua invidia perditi, humiliavit semetipsum facfus hobediens usque ad mortem; qui Ecclesiam suam ædificavit supra firmam petram, et portas inferi adversus eam nunquam esse prævalituras edixit…" _

The demon screamed in despair as it's body began to convulse and contort putting it through unimaginable agony, nothing of which though would compare to the anguish he would suffer being sent back to hell.He would be made to suffer the most the most degrading humilities that Lillith and her master could inflict on him for failing to take down the Winchesters.

"…_Deus præter te, nec esse potest nisi tu creator omnium visibilium et invisibilium, cujus regni non erit finis: humiliter majestati gloriæ tuæ supplicamus, ut ab omni infernalium spirituum potestate, laqueo, deceptione et nequitia nos potenter liberare, et incolumes custodire digneris. Per Christum Dominum nostrum. Amen_" Sam said as he finished the exorcism and viewed the results with the Aitu demon turning to black smoke and bursting into flames as it made it's way back to hell.

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Unbeknownst to the Winchester boys, Azazel had watched what was happening from a secluded area of the cave. He had accomplished his goal of getting the boys to the cave by kidnapping their daddy. Now he could observe how skilled they had become as hunters and watch to see just how close their bond really was. He would need the information for later on when he made his move to make Sammy the leader of his demonic army--the boy king as other demons had started referring to him.

He watched as Sammy made his grand entrance into the fracas and was stunned to hear his sarcastic remark to the Aitu demon. It was obvious that John Winchester had left his mark on the boy with his cocksure attitude in handling the cruel demon. He was pleased to see that the boy was indeed a strong fighter and knew that he would one day be an excellent general in his army.

The one thing that displeased him however, was to see the strong bond that had developed between the two brothers. That could eventually present a major problem when he chose to try and convert Sammy to the dark side. His words to the Aitu demon alluded to just how important Dean was to Sam. He would have to make sure to somehow put the boys at odds so he could start chipping away at that strong brotherly bond that the two shared, strong enough that he knew one would be willing to give their life for the other. Not only that, but he would have to make sure to take care of their father first since he had become a major obstacle in his obsession to hunt him down.

Once he got rid of their solid foundation by killing the father, Azazel was sure Dean would soon become reckless and consumed in his quest to avenge his parents allowing him to step in and take the youngest Winchester without much of a fight right from under his nose. "Soon my boy, you will join me soon" he stated just as he heard his protégé stating the beginning words of an exorcism. Knowing that he could no longer stay to watch, Azazel took his leave to stand and fight another day.

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As Dean finally made it over to his father, he choked back the tears at seeing just how bad his condition really was. He quickly released John from hi shackles by picking the locks. He wanted to cradle his father to him but knew he had to check for injuries first. He couldn't chance possibly paralyzing him or worse. He could see the obvious injuries such as the split lip and the deep blue and purple bruise in the shape of a handprint on his face. He couldn't tell for sure in the cave, but it also looked as if his eyes could be unequal in size which would mean that his dad had a probable concussion. To be on the safe side, he ran his hands through his dad's hair and found two nasty bumps near the back, yep definite concussion them.

As he glided his hands over his father's body, Dean could feel the obvious shift in his ribs and knew that he had possibly two or three of them broken. He knew just how bad the pain was when he heard his father moan even in unconsciousness. They would have to be extremely careful with those before even taking a chance with moving their dad. There were also some obvious bruises on his dad's arms, but he could find no dislocations or broken bones. As he moved down to his legs, he was dismayed to find that his right ankle had been broken. His dad was definitely walking out of the cave on his own even if he regained consciousness.

When Dean heard Sammy say the end part of the exorcism, he looked up just in time to see the Aitu demon being sent back to hell where it belonged. He felt immediate relief knowing that at least for the time being, they were all safe. Now all he had to do was figure out a way to get his dad out of the damn cave and to a hospital. There was no way he would be able to take care of these injuries on his own. He soon sensed Sammy approaching him from the side and looked up at his baby brother with concerned eyes. "Dad's hurt pretty bad Sammy, we've got to get him to a hospital soon."

"We will Dean, but first let's get him triaged to keep any more damage from happening when we move him. What are we looking at?"

Dean quickly gave Sam the lowdown on their father's injuries as Sam pulled out the few medical supplies they had brought along with them. Dean propped their father up and supported his back as Sam quickly wrapped his ribs to keep them from shifting and possibly piercing his lung when they moved him. He also wrapped his dad's ankle as best he could without having any splints to support it with. Looking up at Dean, Sam asked "So how do you want to do this? Should we try to make a travois or are we going to carry Dad out of here?"

Dean debated about what they should do. His dad definitely needed medical attention as soon as possible, but he knew they could do more damage by trying to carry him out. In the end, he decided the safest thing to do would be to carry their dad out between them since they didn't know if any more demons had been involved in the torture. The boys gently lifted John between them and each boy pulled one of his arms over their shoulder, it would be the safest way to keep from jarring his ribs. They slowly made their way out of the cave and over towards the locked gate and lowered John to the ground. Sammy jogged over to the Impala and pulled out the bolt cutters and quickly cut through the chain keeping the gate secure. After hoisting their dad back up, they got him to the Impala and lay him in the back seat as comfortably as possible. Dean grabbed a blanket from the trunk and covered his father to help slow the effects of shock.

Knowing that they couldn't leave the truck behind, Sam looked at Dean and said "I'll follow you to the hospital in dad's truck." Dean nodded his agreement and climbed into his black muscle car setting his sights on the nearest hospital.

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**The Anger of Innocence Lost Ch. 8**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything recognizable in this story. I am just playing with the Winchesters and will return them to Kripke's sandbox later.

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**Previously: **_Knowing that they couldn't leave the truck behind, Sam looked at Dean and said "I'll follow you to the hospital in dad's truck." Dean nodded his agreement and climbed into his black muscle car setting his sights on the nearest hospital._

As soon as Dean hit the highway, he picked up speed as he set his sights on getting his dad to the hospital as soon as possible. He didn't like the way his dad was breathing and he was worried that one of his broken ribs could have punctured a lung as they carried him out of the cave. He wished he could take the time to stop and check on his dad, but he felt time was of the essence in getting him treated so he continued on.

Dean glanced into the rearview mirror to see Sammy following closely behind him. He wondered what kinds of thoughts were running through his mind right now. He knew it couldn't have been easy on the kid to witness his own likeness torturing their father. And to make matters worse, Sammy had been the one to fire the bullet into the shifter that looked like him. Dean could only imagine what that would do to Sam's psyche. Chances were that his baby brother was going to have some terrifying nightmares over this hunt.

Dean was jolted out of his worrisome thoughts with the sound of his cell phone ringing. He pulled it out of his jacket pocket to see Bobby's name highlighted on the caller ID. "Hey Bobby" Dean said as he flipped open the phone to take the call. He listened intently for a few minutes and then answered Bobby's questions. "Yeah, we found Dad and he's not in the best of shape. We're headed to Winthrop Memorial right now to get him some medical attention." Dean ended the conversation by promising to call Bobby and fill him in on John's condition as soon as they knew something. He knew Bobby had his qualms with John, but that didn't mean the hunter didn't care about his dad.

Twenty minutes later found Dean pulling up to the Emergency Entrance of Winthrop Memorial Hospital. He applied pressure to the horn to call attention to them and then quickly climbed out of the car and opened the back door of the Impala. He was just reaching in to pull out his dad when two burly paramedics came up to help. He moved out of the way allowing them access to his dad so that they could get him onto the stretcher as quickly as possible. Once his dad was secured by the medical team for transport into the hospital, Dean looked up to see that Sammy had parked the truck and was now jogging over to his location. The brothers followed the paramedics into the hospital and paced along side the gurney until they were stopped as their dad was taken behind the swinging doors leading to the triage area. "I'm sorry boys, you'll have to wait here" the nurse told them before quickly leaving to assist the doctor.

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As John was rushed through the swinging doors, he was quickly taken into treatment room three and transferred onto a hospital bed. The doctor on call quickly started barking out orders alerting the staff to what he wanted them to do. "Somebody cut this man's clothes off and get him started on an IV D5W with Ringer's lactate right away. From the sounds of his breathing, we have a possible lung puncture here people so I want him on one hundred percent oxygen. Let's move it folks, I need to see what all were working with."

One of the nurses quickly cut off John's shirt and jeans while another in the room prepared to administer the IV. A small catheter was inserted into a vein on John's right hand and the infusion line from the IV was connected to the hub of the catheter. The nurse moved the valve so that the IV would be placed on a continuous drip to provide the medicines John needed as well as to keep him hydrated while unconscious. She then hooked up a nasal canula and placed it to provide the oxygen the patient required to aid in his breathing.

While the nurses were doing their job, the doctor was assessing John's injuries and vitals. As the doctor called out the injuries, another nurse wrote them on the chart. "Looks like we've got some rib fractures to the seventh and tenth ribs. I'm going to need a portable X-ray machine in here stat to get some chest pictures. We also have an obvious fracture to the right ankle that will need to be x-rayed." The doctor then went on to note the facial and chest contusions that John had sustained in the beating and the nasty scrape and burns marks on his wrists caused by the shackles. Using his small penlight to check John's eyes, he noticed the his pupils were unequal and sluggish. "This man also has a concussion, I want a MRI to check for brain swelling or any possible bleeding of the brain."

Using his stethoscope, the doctor listened to John's chest and noticed that he had abnormal breathing sounds in the right lung. He ordered a chest x-ray and ECG to determine if the lung was punctured and to check the arterial level of blood gases. Upon finishing his initial diagnosis, he walked out to talk to the family about his findings.

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As he sat in the lobby waiting for news on their dad, Dean glanced over at his little brother to see the lines of worry on his brother's face along with a distant look in his eyes. He could just picture the thoughts running through his little brother's head right now and knew that he needed to get Sammy to open up and talk about them. Sam had always been the emotional one of the family and needed to talk things through.

"Sammy, I think we need to talk about what went on back there in the cave" Dean said as he reached out to pat his brother on the knee.

"M'okay Dean, you don't need to worry about me" Sam replied knowing that Dean was concerned and trying to make things easier on him.

"Sammy, I know that had to have hurt you seeing that damn demon using you to hurt Dad and I'm here if you need to talk dude."

"I told you I'm fine. Let's just concentrate on finding out about Dad." Sam retorted as he glanced towards the ER doors wishing the doctor would come out so Dean wouldn't keep prodding him to show his feelings.

"What happened to the Sammy who always liked to talk things through and get his feelings out in the open?" Dean asked hoping it would encourage his brother to open up to him.

"He grew up and went to school" Sam replied as he stood up and started pacing the floor. He needed to walk off some nervous energy.

Knowing Sammy well enough to see that he needed his space right now, Dean left him alone to think about things as he sat back in the chair to wait for news on their dad.

They had been waiting for about forty five minutes when the doctor finally called for the family of John Andrews. Dean and Sam both stood up as the doctor approached them with nervous looks upon their faces.

"Hello, my name is Doctor Tony Moore and I am the attending physician. I am assuming the man inside is your…."

"Dad, he's our Dad" Dean interrupted letting the doctor know how important his latest patient was to the two of them.

The doctor smiled as he reached out to shake both Dean and Sam's hand. "As I was saying, I am the attending physician on your father's case and I came out to give you my initial diagnosis. Upon examination, I've found that your father has sustained two or possibly three broken ribs as well as a fractured ankle. He has some abnormal lung sounds on his right side and we could possibly be looking at a punctured lung. I have ordered some scans and x-rays to ascertain just what we are dealing with. Your dad also has a moderate concussion and I've ordered an MRI to check for brain swelling or any possible bleeds. One of my biggest concerns right now is that your father is in a deep state of unconsciousness, possible even a light coma which could be his body's way of trying to help repair itself. Other than that he has a few minor injuries which we have already taken care of such as some contusions and lacerations. Your dad is now being x-rayed and I will let you know as soon as I have any results" the doctor informed the brothers before returning to his patient.

Turning to face Sam with a grim smile on his face, Dean said "Looks like it's going to be a long night. Why don't you go get us a room and get some sleep. I'll stay here with dad until we have more news."

"Dean, how many times do I have to tell you, I'm fine dude. So just leave it be" Sam said as he sat down to get comfortable for the long wait ahead.

They had only been waiting for approximately ninety minutes when they saw two police officers walking in. Dean gave a tight smile as they looked his way before walking over to the nurses station. He saw the nurse point their way and began wondering why the police would want to talk to them. He calmed his nerves as the officers approached. He was ready for their line of questioning

"Hello, I'm Sergeant McMurray and this is Officer Reed. We'd like to talk to you boys about what happened to your father" the lead officer said as he reached out to shake Dean's hand. "We got a call for the hospital saying that it looked like your father had been attacked and possibly tortured."

Dean had thought about this event possibly happening on the drive to the hospital and was prepared for the officer's questions.

"My dad had went off to a bar by himself while I was picking my brother up from the library. He was there doing some research for one of his college classes on the North Cascade Mountain Range. We were supposed to meet up with him at the bar and then go out for dinner. We had no idea that the bar was a gang hang out and I guess my dad got into a fight with a few of the members. By the time that me and Sammy had gotten there, he had been beaten pretty badly. We grabbed him and hightailed it out of that place as fast as we could and brought my dad straight here." Dean said as he fed the police officers a line of crap.

"Can you tell me where this bar was located?" Sergeant McMurray asked as he took down the information in a notepad.

No sir, all I can tell you is that it was located on the Cascade Highway. We're not from this area. We we're headed back to Palo Alto to take Sammy back to school when this mess occurred." Dean answered.

Officer Reed asked Sam if he had anything to add and when he replied that Dean had told them everything, the officers thanked them for their help and asked where they could get in touch with them. They took down the false information given by Dean and then left to try and find the non-existent culprits. Both boys breathed a sigh of relief as the policemen left.

Just a few short minutes later, Dean and Sam glanced up to see Dr. Moore walking their way. Dean noticed how the doctor kept a passive look on his face, not revealing anything as he walked up to them. The brothers stood as the doctor finally came up beside them holding a folder in his hand. "I have you father's test results back"

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**The Anger of Innocence Lost Ch. 9**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything recognizable in this story. I am just playing with the Winchesters and will return them to Kripke's sandbox later.

**Author's Note: **I'll try to have an update for **A Hard Road **tomorrow. This chapter of Innocence Lost demanded to be written tonight.

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**Previously: **_Just a few short minutes later, Dean and Sam glanced up to see Dr. Moore walking their way. Dean noticed how the doctor kept a passive look on his face, not revealing anything as he walked up to them. The brothers stood as the doctor finally came up beside them holding a folder in his hand. "I have you father's test results back"_

Dr. Moore couldn't help but notice the way the tension in the room increased at his announcement. The tension was so palpable that he felt as though he could have cut it with a knife. Knowing that he had the news that would make things much better, he stated "I'm happy to say that the MRI and CT scans were better than we had hoped for. There was no evidence of brain swelling from the head injury nor did your father suffer from any bleeding on the brain. The results show that your father is not in a coma, but in a deep state of unconsciousness." The doctor watched as both boys visibly relaxed at hearing the news. It was as though the tension melted away like snow under the heat of a warm Spring day.

"That's great news Doc" Dean replied as he rain his hand through his short spiky hair. "But what about my dad's lungs. You mentioned earlier that you were worried about the possibility of a lung puncture."

"I can tell you from the result of the scan that your father does have a punctured lung, BUT it is what we refer to as a simple pneumothorax which is the best we could have hoped for in this situation.

"What do you mean by that?" Dean inquired needing to know just how bad things were with his dad.

"What it means is that your father's lung was only partially collapsed. The pressure that built up in his lung cavity was not enough to cause cardiovascular dysfunction. We have inserted a chest tube to relieve the pressure that is in his chest cavity. We'll remove the tube later as pressure levels return to normal." Dr. Moore replied in answer to Dean's question.

Needing to know when his dad might awake, Sam asked "Doc, can you tell us when our dad might regain consciousness?"

"I'm sorry to say that I really don't know. He could regain consciousness within the next thirty minutes or it could take a few days. Your father was responsive to pain stimuli when we tested him so I am hoping that he will wake up soon" the doctor stated.

"When can we see him?" Dean asked after the doc finished answering Sammy's question.

"You boys can see him as soon as we get him settled into his own room which should take approximately twenty minutes. I'll have one of the nurses come get you when he's ready." Tony said with a smile.

"Thanks Doc, we really appreciate everything you did for our dad" Dean said as he reached out to shake the doctor's hand.

"You're welcome, I'm always happy when I can give a family good news" Dr. Moore stated before quietly walking away.

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After the doctor walked away, Sam started pacing around even more nervously than he was earlier. According to the doc, his dad could wake up at any time and he knew that the man wouldn't want him there. He had made it clear the day Sam left for Stanford that he wasn't a part of the family anymore. He wished his father could just love him and accept him for the person he was, but that would never happen. No, he would have to make his own life at Stanford, with Jessica, and then maybe someday his dad would want to see him again.

Dean watched as Sammy paced the floor in agitation wondering what was going through the kid's mind. Sammy had been on edge since they had arrived but refused to talk about his feelings. Well that was just too damn bad because he was going to get to the bottom of things now whether Sammy liked it or not. He wasn't going to just stand back and watch as his little brother slowly lost it before his very eyes. "Alright, that's it Sammy" Dean called out as Sam stood up to start his pacing once more. "You need to tell me what's wrong and don't feed me that bullshit about everything being fine. Come on tiger, let me in so that I can help you" Dean pleaded.

Sam was about to tell Dean just to leave it be once again until Dean called him tiger. That nickname always broke his resolve when he was little. He hadn't heard it in so long and didn't realize just how much he had missed the moniker. Sam looked up at Dean with somber eyes really hating what he was about to say because he knew just how much it was going to hurt Dean. "Dean, I'm really sorry man. I know you're going to be upset with me but I can't stay. I can't be here when Dad wakes up."

Dean's heart dropped at hearing Sammy's words. He never thought for one minute that Sammy would leave so soon so he was completely taken by surprise. "Sammy, you can't…"

"Please don't try to change my mind Dean, this is hard enough as it is. I can't stay here and see the disappointment on his face at seeing me again. It nearly killed me the last time he told me that I was never to come back. I still have nightmares over that and I can't go through it again. Please don't hate me, but I have to go." Sam said in a rush before he lost his nerve.

Dean hated the defeated look in his brother's eyes as Sammy talked to him. Their dad's words had obviously hurt Sammy to the core of his very being. How could he make Sammy understand that their dad hadn't meant what he said. Sammy hadn't been there to see the way John had sunk into despair at losing his youngest son, he had only heard the words spat out in anger in the heat of the moment.

"Sammy I swear to you that Dad never meant the words he said. He's wished so many times that he could have taken that day back and do it all over again. He loves you Sammy and he really misses you. Give him a chance to make things up to you."

"If he loves me like you say, then why hasn't he called me to apologize Dean, to tell me he didn't mean those words. Hell, he hasn't even once called me to say hello or to see if I was okay. I can't take the chance that you might be wrong." By now the tears were flowing freely down Sammy's face as he tried to make Dean understand. His heart had never fully mended yet from that last fight with his dad. He couldn't take the chance of it being shattered beyond repair by another blow up.

Dean took a deep breath to calm himself. He knew the reason John had never called, the man was just too damn stubborn to admit that he was wrong, that he shouldn't have lost his temper that night. "You know how dad is Sammy, he has never been able to admit it when he was wrong."

Sam shook his head in acknowledgement of the words that Dean had said. He knew how true the statement was, but that still didn't negate the fact that John hadn't spoken to him in over a year. He had had plenty of time to make things right but chose not to. Chances were that he was still pissed with him for wanting to go to school. "I know that Dean, how could I not after growing up with the man, but I can't take the chance that he's still pissed with me. Please understand why I have to go, I can't take it if I lose you too, please Dean."

"God Sammy, don't you know that you could never lose me no matter what little brother. I love you kiddo and nothing will ever change that" Dean stated vehemently as he pulled Sammy in for a hug. He knew he was going to have to let Sammy go again, he just wished it didn't have to be so soon.

Sam relaxed into his brothers hug knowing that he hadn't lost his brother. As long as he had Dean, then he could deal with everything that life threw at him. "I love you too."

Dean hid his heartbreak as he asked "So when are you leaving?"

"As soon as I can call a cab to take me to the bus station" Sam replied as he pulled away from his brother and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his green button down shirt.

"Sammy, you don't have to call a cab, I can drive you" Dean offered remembering the last time he had taken Sam to the bus station. It had been the worst day of his life having to watch that bus drive away with Sammy on it and knowing that he wouldn't be coming back.

"You need to stay here with dad Dean, it's better this way." Sam said watching his brother through blurry tear filled eyes. It was hard enough leaving Dean behind the last time and he didn't want to go through that again.

Dean nodded his head in understanding, he had no doubt that Sammy had experienced the same separation anxiety as him, but Sammy's had to have been so much worse thinking that he wouldn't be welcomed back. 'I'm gonna miss ya dude" Dean said around the lump in his throat as he drew Sammy in for another hug. God, he was losing his baby brother again.

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Thirty minutes after Sammy had left, Dean was sitting in his father's room in a hard metal chair waiting for his dad to wake up. His dad looked extremely pale lying against the hospital sheets. He had a heart monitor hooked up and it was giving off a steady beep that Dean was beginning to find annoying in the silence. There were two different IV's attached to the port in his dad's hand and Dean assumed one of them was probably an antibiotic to stave off infection while the other was keeping him hydrated until he could take in liquids on his own. Glancing down further, it was obvious that his ribs had been wrapped and that his ankle had already been casted. The thing that he hated the most however, was the tube coming out of his dad's chest. It made his dad look weak and it gave him an uncomfortable feeling. He was drawn out of his thoughts as he heard the sheets rustling on his dad's bed. He glanced up to see John's eyes fluttering as he tried to wake up. "Dad, can you open your eyes for me?" Dean asked as he watched his father intently.

As John neared consciousness, he became aware of sensations around him. He heard the steady beeping of a machine and knew that he was in the hospital. He wondered how he had gotten there since his mind was so muddled by whatever medication they were giving him. The last thing he remembered was being stuck inside that cave and seeing his boys coming to his rescue. He shuddered as he remembered a gun going off and watching Sammy fall. "Sammy" he moaned as he fought to bring himself to full awareness. He really needed to know if his son was okay.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**The Anger of Innocence Lost Ch. 10**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything recognizable in this story. I am just playing with the Winchesters and will return them to Kripke's sandbox later.

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**Previously: **_The last thing he remembered was being stuck inside that cave and seeing his boys coming to his rescue. He shuddered as he remembered a gun going off and watching Sammy fall. "Sammy" he moaned as he fought to bring himself to full awareness. He really needed to know if his son was okay._

John's heart rate began a quick and steady climb as he became fully aware and realized that Sammy was not in the room with him, only Dean. The heart monitor attached to the electrodes on his chest began to give off a shrill beep as his heart rate climbed too high. He glanced around the room in panic. "Sammy, where's Sammy?" he asked with a tremor in his voice. "Tell me where he is Dean, where's my baby boy?"

Dean tried to calm his dad as medical professionals began running into the room alerted by the shrill beeping sound. "Calm down Dad, you've got to calm down, Sammy's alright" Dean said before being pushed out of the way by the doctor.

"Excuse me please" said Doctor Moore as he took John's blood pressure and pulse while listening to his heart. He called for a nurse to bring him a sedative fearing that John could possibly have a stroke or worse if he didn't calm down soon because of his blood pressure being way too high. "Mr. Andrews, you need to calm down or I'm going to have to give you a sedative to calm you down" the doctor informed John with a stern expression.

"Please, just let me talk to my dad" Dean said as he looked at Tony. "I know how to calm him down, he thinks something happened to Sammy."

Tony moved out of the way and stood at the foot of the bed to see if Dean could indeed calm his father down. If not, he was going to have to administer the sedative and soon.

"Dad, look at me" Dean said with a commanding voice. When his dad shifted his attention and focused on him, Dean said "I swear to you Sammy's alright. He wasn't hurt dad. You were the only one hurt. You've gotta calm down or their going to knock you out."

John took deep breaths as he focused on the words that Dean was saying. Sammy was okay, his baby boy wasn't dead. "He's okay?" John questioned a little shakily trying to be one hundred percent positive.

"He's fine dad, you know I wouldn't be standing here if he wasn't" Dean replied. He could see the look of relief cross his dad's face as the heart monitor stopped it's beeping and his dad's heart rate began to return to a more normal level. Dean stood by as the doctor assessed his dad's vitals once again before accepting that he was doing better and leaving the room with a warning to keep him calm.

After the doctor had closed the door, John looked at his eldest and asked "Where is he Dean, where's Sammy? I need to talk to him. I know he was there at the cave, I remember seeing him exorcising the demon just before I passed out."

Dean felt bad for the way he was about to hurt his dad, but he couldn't help it and in a way, it was his dad's own fault. "He's already left, he went to catch a bus back to Stanford a few hours ago."

"What, why?" John asked shocked that his youngest hadn't stayed at least until he had awoken.

"Why do you think Dad, he still thinks you don't give a shit about him. You told him to never come back the last time you two fought and Sammy took those words to heart. Hell Dad, Sammy thinks he's no longer welcome in this family because of your damn attitude when he left. I tried to convince him that you didn't mean it, but he wouldn't listen. Because you are too damn stubborn to make one freaking phone call, Sammy still feels like he's not wanted. You know what he said before he left Dad? He said he couldn't take the chance that you were still pissed with him, his heart wouldn't be able to stand it" Dean informed John with tears in his eyes. He hadn't meant to hit him with it all at once, but once he started talking he couldn't stop. God he missed Sammy so much right now.

John lowered his head in defeat knowing the words that Dean had said were true, he had driven Sammy off with his words and basically told him he was no longer welcome in the family. It hurt him to think that even after all this time, Sammy still believed those words and was hurting because of them. And it wasn't just the last fight that broke Sammy's spirit, the damage had occurred over time as he knocked his son down every time he tried to stand. His baby left to protect what was left of his heart. "I'm sorry" John whispered just barely loud enough for Dean o hear.

"Yeah, well I'm not the one who needs to hear it am I" Dean said wishing that John would make that first move so their fractured family could start building it's foundation again.

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As Sam rode the bus back to Stanford, he thought about his life ahead. Maybe his father would welcome him back someday and maybe not, but at least he had his brother's love and that would never change. He also had Jess and he planned to do something about it as soon as he got back to Palo Alto. He knew Jess was the one for him but he had been afraid to get serious with her with his background, but that was about to change. He wasn't ready to pop the question yet, but he felt confident enough with their love to ask her to move in with him. He wanted to rent a small apartment near the campus and spend his days and nights with the woman he loved. He could see himself building a life with her and possibly marrying and having kids some day.

He would be a loving husband and father and raise his kids normally, in the traditional way. His children would be kept away from the hunting life and grow up playing games and going to the same school. He would be home for them every night and watch them play soccer and participate in school plays. His kids would have the life that he never had a chance to know. He knew his dad did the best he could, but he had always felt like he was missing out on something. Maybe he could find out what it was by making that first move with Jessica as soon as he got back. Leaning the seat back on the bus, Sam closed his eyes and faded of to sleep dreaming of the future that he would have with Jess.

He felt like he had just fell asleep when the bus stopped and the driver announced they were back at Palo Alto. Sam climbed off the bus and grabbed his gear as he headed back to his dorm room. On the way however, he stopped at a small apartment that was for rent since his dorm lease would be ending next week anyway. He pulled out some of the money that Dean had given him before he left hoping that he had enough for the required month in advance. After paying the deposit, he started to feel a little nervous wondering if he was making the move too soon. What if Jess didn't want to move in with him? Would she think things were moving too fast? He could only hope and pray that she would be happy with what he had done, if not, he would be living on his own for a little while.

Arriving at his dorm room, Sam packed up his clothing and the few belongings that he owned and moved them to the new place. Luckily, the apartment came furnished so he had the appliances and the furniture he would need for the house. On the way, he picked up a few groceries and a cheap bottle of wine. He was going to prepare an intimate dinner and invite Jessica over as soon as possible. Over dinner, he would ask her to move in with him.

A few days later, Jessica and Sam were in the commons room studying for a test. Jessica was sitting close snuggled up under Sam's arm as she asked him questions to help him prepare so that he could ace the exam. After the study session was over and they were about to go their separate ways for class, Sam asked Jessica to have dinner with him. He told her he would pick her up at five and take her to some place special. Jessica loved the idea of having dinner and accepted right away with a lingering kiss before heading off to class.

Sam was dressed in jeans and a dress shirt and jacket when he picked Jess up at her dorm. He whistled when he saw her walk out in a pastel pink sundress emblazoned with flowers along the bottom. Jess blushed at the welcome as she threw her arms around Sammy's neck. "So where have you decided to take me?" Jess asked coyly as she whispered in Sam's ear.

"It's a surprise" Sam told her as he took her by the hand and led her down the sidewalk. The apartment was only a few blocks away and they could walk there since it was such a beautiful day. As they walked along, they talked about how class was going and Jessica's family since Sam always steered away from that particular topic of conversation when it came to his own family. As Sam led her up to an apartment, Jess looked up at him in surprise. "What are we doing here Baby?" She questioned as she hung on to his arm.

Sam smiled as he pulled out the key and unlocked the door. "I hope you like it, I just rented it today, things were getting kind of crowded at the dorm" Sam replied as he opened up the door to allow Jessica in first.

"Wow, it's beautiful" marveled Jess as she glanced around. The furniture looked comfortable and the place had a sort of homey feel to it. She envied Sam for finally being able to get his own place. As Sam led her into the dining area, her mouth dropped open in shock as she saw the dinner spread laid out on the table with a bottle of wine sitting in a bucket. The roasted chicken looked wonderful and so did the other side dishes. She couldn't believe that Sam had set up such a wonderful dinner for the two of them. As Sam pulled out a chair for her, Jessica sat down and waited for Sam to take a seat. The each fixed a plate and talked about how wonderful the food was.

As Sam popped the lid on the wine, he said "Jess, I've been think about things a lot lately. You know that I love you with all of my heart and I was hoping that maybe…" Sam trailed off as he got a little nervous.

"Maybe what babe?" Jessica questioned with a sparkle in her eye.

"Maybe you would be willing to move in with me" Sam said in a rush from being so nervous. He was almost afraid to look at Jessica to see what her reaction would be. He was pleasantly surprised with the reaction he got.

"Jessica jumped up and threw her arms around Sam's neck. "Do you mean it Sam, do you really want to take that next step?" she asked with sheer happiness in her voice.

"Yes, I really do" Sam said as he hugged and kissed Jessica in return. "You've just made me a happy man"

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A few weeks later, Jessica and Sam were in the park as Sam and some of his friends got together for a game of soccer. Jessica and the other girlfriends of some of the players were sitting on a blanket and cheering their men on as they kicked the ball around. They didn't know what their boyfriends saw in the sport, but they sure liked the way they looked in those soccer shorts that they were wearing. "Way to go baby" Jessica shouted as Sam scored a goal for his team. Sam looked over at her with a big smile on his face before returning his attention to the game. The past few weeks had been wonderful for him and he loved the feeling of having a home to go home too with the girl he planned to marry someday.

Across the park, another man was watching the soccer game from afar. He had a huge smile on his face as he watched the tall kid kick the ball in for a goal. 'Way to go son" John said quietly as he watched his youngest participating in the sport. He could tell from the look on Sammy's face that he was happy and it meant the world to him. He knew he should walk over there and apologize to his youngest for all the pain he had caused in his life, but he didn't want to ruin the moment. He would suffer the guilt alone knowing that at least Sammy was happy where he was. He glanced over to the girls who were yelling to see the pretty blonde that he had noticed the other times he had dropped by unnoticed. "You sure got a pretty girl Sammy" he whispered to himself, or so he thought.

"Yeah, she is pretty isn't she dad" Dean said as he crept up behind his father. He smiled at the astonished look on his dad's face at having been caught checking up on Sammy. "So I take it you've been keeping tabs on the kid too" Dean said as he glanced over towards his brother with a huge smile on his face.

"Yeah, well, I just needed to know that he was safe and happy and protected" John replied watching Sam as he walked over to his girl after the game had finished. He and Dean both snickered as they watched Sammy give his girl a long, lingering kiss. The kid was gonna be alright.

**THE END **_**Thanks for sticking with me throughout this story and for all the wonderful reviews. I hope you weren't disappointed with the ending. **_


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